Editing Paragraphs

Here are some paragraphs where the sentences are too similar and are not clearly linked together.

Rewrite the paragraphs, then compare your version with our suggestion, but remember: there are many ways of rewriting the paragraphs. If in doubt, check with your teacher.

Text 1

Little girls don’t carry toy guns in their pockets. They do not say «Bang, you’re dead!» to their friends and neighbours. The average well-adjusted little boy does all of this. This is not innate. It is taught. We give little girls dolls to play with. If we gave little girls toy guns, they would shoot their neighbours too.

Improved version:

Text 2

South Africa had its first democratic elections in 1994. Black South Africans expected to be lifted out of poverty. Almost twenty years later many are disappointed. Corruption is widespread. The rich are still rich. The poor are still poor. The Marikana massacre in 2012 reminded Black South Africans of the «bad old days». Armed police shot and killed striking miners.

Improved version:

Text 3

Rewriting is something that most writers find they have to do. They rewrite to find out what they want to say. They rewrite to find out how to say it. There are a few writers who do little formal rewriting. They have skill and experience. They create and review a large number of invisible drafts. They create and review in their minds. They do this before they approach the page.

Improved version: